bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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