I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
