No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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