Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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