Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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