I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
