I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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