Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
