his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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