I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
