worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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