By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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