I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
