i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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