Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
