watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
