Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
