That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
