Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
