dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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