Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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