wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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