In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
