How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
