I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She tied me up with her honor cords...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
