Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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