my phone needs a breathalizer
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
