My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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