I just made out with a guy for $7.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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