If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I look better un-naked...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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