The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
