he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
