Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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