There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
