He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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