Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
