ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
