I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
