I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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