Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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