If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
