They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
