I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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