Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
