My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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