How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm like, not good at living.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
