I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
