I wish my penis had an off switch
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
