Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
