3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So many bounce houses so little time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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