honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
