is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
