I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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