She is in my trunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
